This is a pretty good picture of how I often feel.

It's been a whirlwind of a month...we spent 2 weeks in KY celebrating Passover and my dear little sister's wedding!  It was a blessed time, even though I had a relapse and spent the last week in bed, in terrible pain, and with my stomach much worse than it's been in a long time. Two days after arriving home, I got a PICC line put in my arm to be able to administer IV antibiotics to treat the Lyme disease. After a week of faithfully doing the infusions every 8 hours while doing lots of natural things to boost my immune system, I got really sick over the weekend, ended up in the ER and then found out I'm allergic to the medication I was on.  God was so faithful to lead us and guide us every step of the way, and I'm so thankful for His wisdom and protection.

Confusion, pain, lots of tears, weakness, lots of time in bed. Time to pause, reconsider...okay, Father, what do you want me to learn here? I feel like it keeps coming back to trust. Trust Me, keep your eyes on Me. I have the answer, I'm holding you in My arms. 

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, who made Heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved, He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore." (Ps. 121)

He's got me in the palm of His hand! Yes, it is so hard to understand His plan sometimes. I have so many dear brothers and sisters praying fervently for me...so why do things seem to be getting worse at times? I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I can leave it all with Him! He makes no mistakes, and His promises will stand. He is healing me, and He promises to turn my mourning into dancing, to put off my sackcloth and clothe me with gladness.  Why? "To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever." (Ps. 30:12)

I don't want to wait until I'm well to give Him thanks and praise and glory. I can say with all my heart, He is faithful...He is trustworthy...He is good.  He is leading and guiding us each step of the way, and I am so grateful. Without Him, I wouldn't be able to go on, but this is the cry of my heart:

"Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live, I will lift up my hands in Your Name." (Ps. 63:3,4)

I can't thank you all enough for praying for me and holding up my arms. It mean so very much to have this support and encouragement. You all are a blessing!