I have some amazing, incredible news to share...I am getting married! Some of you heard my story in person a few weeks back, but I have been wanting to try and put it in writing. What an incredible journey this has been so far; looking back over this past year, I can see at least a part of how the Father has been working each detail to weave a beautiful story.
May this be an encouragement to all of us to keep trusting Him...there are still things I don't understand, but I know our Father knows what He is doing! May He keep us faithful to Himself! Since you all have read and walked with me through many tears and trying to make sense of things, I wanted to share some of these pieces to the story that I have been able to see so far.
During these past several years, I have struggled greatly with my desire to be married. The longing to be a wife and mother has been a desire of my heart for as long as I can remember, and so when year after year passed, and I attended wedding after wedding, while at the same time being so very sick, I felt like my dreams were being constantly denied. Over and over I laid it down at the Father's feet, begging for strength to carry on, that He would be my all-in-all, and that He would even take those desires away if they were not His will for me. Somewhere along the way, I became convinced no one could ever want me...I looked at my life and saw a terrible sickness, struggles and discouragement, and a girl whose body felt "old before her time". While I couldn't ever get my heart to stop hoping, I really didn't think that it was possible for someone to see beauty in my life. Off and on, I did pray that if it was the Father's will, He would bring me a man of great tenderness and compassion, one who was sensitive and gentle, and someone who would want me now, even before I was fully well. I knew if that happened, it would bring great reassurance to my heart, a sense of security...because if someone wanted me right now while struggling with a terrible illness, I felt like I could rest in knowing that no matter what came along, he would be by my side.
On October 11th, I wrote this post about the wilderness after Mom called me from Israel, sharing a glimpse of something that had been highlighted in a tour while visiting a wilderness area. What she was able to share intrigued me so much that it made me start thinking, pondering, and praying as the Father began to reveal to me how He can bring beauty even in a wilderness. It also brought a renewed longing to press into Him as my Beloved, learning more of His heart and walking by His side day by day. I could only hope that this wilderness season would be over soon, but either way, I wanted to be close to His heart.
Two weeks later, I was taking care of some business on the computer when I accidentally stumbled across some information that completely shocked me. Turns out, one of the young men on the same trip to Israel that my Mom and siblings were on had asked for permission to marry me! Since I was not supposed to have found out about this yet, Mom and Dad asked me to just wait and keep quiet until Mom returned home.
So those next two weeks were spent in much prayer and handing everything over to my Heavenly Father, as I didn't even know who had asked at this point!
Mom and the children arrived home early one Thursday morning, and it was such a joy to be together again! The next evening, after Shabbat dinner, Mom and Dad took me in the bedroom and told me that it was Tyler Falk who had asked for permission to marry me.
For those of you not familiar with betrothal, it is very different from courtship in the sense that it is not a "trial" basis, or even a "getting to know you to see if this will work for marriage". Through study of the Scriptures, prayer, and the testimony of friends who have done things this way, we had come to the conclusion that as we sought God's will, He would make it perfectly clear! First, the young man would pray about it extensively, bringing his parents in at some point, then when all three of them were sure, they would approach the girl's parents. After that, she would be approached, and the final decision would be up to her. That way, emotions aren't involved until everyone is sure of the Father's will. There is so much security in that, because by the time the girl is ready to make a decision, there has been confirmation from all authorities involved!
It turns out that Tyler first "noticed" me at a fellowship meeting 3 years ago...he was down from Canada for a short time, and amazingly enough, attended one of the few meetings that I was attending at the time, because of being so sick. Unsure of whether his interest in me was just a fleshly desire or not, he tried to put the matter aside for the time being. Last winter, his relationship with my brother Luke really grew, and that was when he felt led to begin praying about me in earnest. The Father worked it out for him to come spend a week at our house to help my brother finish up a documentary he was producing, and so, without us having a clue of what was going on, he was able to "check out" our family. This part is very amazing to me, as this was one of my low points physically. He arrived at our house a week after I had been in the ER with an allergic reaction to my medication; I still had the PICC line in my arm, and was pretty sick. I rested in my room the majority of the time, but did come out to help cook for everyone and eat meals together. I am amazed to know that he still had a desire to pursue me even with my state of health. Tyler wanted his parents to meet me and my family, and so he arranged a hasty visit to TN in July, visiting several friends in the area so as to not raise suspicion. Again, we did not know anything at the time, and thought they were just coming for a visit! After his parents received confirmation on that trip, he finally felt a release to talk to my Dad at the end of October.
After Mom and Dad approached me with this, we all spent the next two weeks praying earnestly and intensely. I spent a lot of time talking with my parents, read some emails exchanged between them and Tyler, and spent much time in prayer. I had a lot of peace about it from the very beginning. I had "noticed" Tyler briefly while he spent time at our house last spring, thinking that he could be someone I could consider, but I never allowed myself to dwell on that possibility, as I wanted to keep my heart for the man God had for me. As I prayed, and learned more about Tyler; his personality, his past, and the things God had brought him through, I kept getting more and more confirmation that truly, he was the one the Father had been preparing for me!
After Mom and Dad gave me their blessing, I was fully released to keep praying and come to a decision myself. God gave me the confirmation I needed, and I knew beyond a doubt, that Tyler was ordained to be my husband! After telling my parents, they set up a FaceTime call so Tyler could ask me personally. Since he was in a different country, we were thankful for the technology that allowed us to at least see each other...so he was able to propose to me and I said yes!
We decided that we wanted to have our betrothal the first time we saw one another in person, as we both knew that once the commitment was sealed, we would be free to open up emotionally and give our hearts to each other.
And so to make a long story short(er), my family drove up to Canada and I was betrothed to Tyler Falk! The wedding is set for January 12th, here in Tennessee. Click here to view the invitation. If you would like to come, please let us know, as we are trying to keep track of RSVPs. You are all invited!
Tyler is in Canada wrapping things up, and we have decided we will not see each other again until the wedding, a picture of how we will not see Yeshua's face until He returns for His bride! The intensity of emotions are building up, and it will be a glorious day when we are united and made one. Every day that goes by, I am more and more amazed at this amazing gift my Father has given me...Tyler is the man I have prayed about for so many years, though I didn't know who he was. He has far exceeded my dreams and expectations, and I am in awe at what God has done. Even things I didn't pray for...just desires of my heart, my Father saw those and gave me more than I could have asked for in Tyler!
Much as I was hoping that things with my health would keep getting better as I approach this next season in my life, I have again been faced with reality, these past few weeks bringing along some pretty intense pain and weakness/dizziness, along with other symptoms. However, Tyler's care and commitment to me throughout this has brought incredible healing and reassurance to my heart, despite my tendency to worry or feel guilty or ashamed of my health. What a picture he has been to me of my Father's love and compassion! And how I have been convicted to keep laying everything down before my Father, trusting Him to keep and carry me, and to continue to work everything out according to His plan. He has done an incredible work in my life already, and I know He has all things in His hands. I am completely overwhelmed at His faithfulness to His children!
"Come and hear, all you who fear God, And I will declare what He has done for my soul." Ps. 66:16
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