I was reading in Revelation this morning, and was quite struck by a passage in chapter 3. I had read it before, but today it hit me in a new way. How many times are we tempted to give up? We are given a command to persevere! Yeshua says, "a little strength"...that's all we need to keep going...
"See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name. Indeed I will make those...to know that I have loved you. Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth. Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown. He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem..." (Rev. 3:8-12, emphasis added)
Amen...what beautiful words of strength and reassurance!
~Life is about change. Sometimes it’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s painful. But most of the time…it’s both ~Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end
~Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
~When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on
~The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen--Elisabeth Kübler Ross
~You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you’ve got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret. People change, things go wrong, but just remember life goes on
~And I’ve finally learned what life’s all about…hanging on when your heart’s had enough, and giving more when you want to give up
~When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
~It’s not what they take away from you that counts. It’s what you do with what you have left
~No smile is more beautiful than one that struggles through tears
~Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest…. It’s about who came, and never left your side.
I've tended to to analyze myself over and over again..."is being sick for so long my fault? What if I had handled everything perfectly the last several years, what if I had had more faith, what if I had caught my mistakes earlier...would I be in a different place today? Is this a punishment? Why am I watching others live "my" dreams while it is hard for me to make it through each day? What am I doing wrong?"
I do believe there is a place for examining ourselves to make sure there is nothing we need to repent of...I have done that many times. At the same time, what I have to continually work on is taking everything to Yeshua and leaving it there. He has forgiven me, He is making everything new, and I have to take one day at a time, seeking His face, living to hear His voice. I am begging for that! I keep reminding myself that once I get one glimpse of His face, none of this will matter any more...none of the tears or pain or confusion will be important anymore.
I want so much to be more for my friends and family, and it hurts me that I can't do more. It hurts me that I cry so often, that I need prayer so often, that I have to say I'm still not feeling well. Even if it's not my fault, I still feel like I'm letting others down. That's where I have to lay it all down, humble myself again, and remind myself that I can't live in regret. This is where the Father has me, and while I know He is healing me, I have to embrace where I am and seek Him with more fervor each day. Yeshua and His desires have to be my first pursuit, my only desires. I am so very thankful for my dear friends and family who have stuck by me all the way, prayed for me, loved me even when I can't do much in return.
Anyways, this song really blessed me, and I wanted to share it with you all.
Friday, January 4, 2013
I am feeling the need to start journaling what our Father is doing in my life these days. I look back over the last 2 or 3 years, and it is hard to even process everything that has happened. I know there has been so much that I have not handled well, and so many things seem like a bad dream. But I can say that Yeshua has held my hand and walked me through each and every moment, and even through all the tears and confusion, He has never given up on me.
I saw someone last night that I had not seen since last Spring, and he was so shocked and amazed by how I looked. I have gained quite a bit of weight since then! That got me thinking, so I pulled out a picture from a year ago and merged it with a picture taken in Jerusalem this past fall.
Wow, what a visual testimony of our Father's grace...The picture on the left was taken last January, when I weighed about 93 pounds. I knew I needed to gain weight, I knew I was dangerously underweight, but things seemed impossible. My body could barely handle the amount of food I was eating, and every time I tried to eat more, it seemed the pain, reflux, nausea and gastro-paresis symptoms worsened.
In January, I went to help out some friends of mine for a few days who had just had their 10th baby. While there, they impressed upon me that I needed to do whatever it took to gain weight, no matter the pain, because they didn't want me to miss out on all God has for me. I knew they were right, and that day was a turning point for me. I began to up my food intake, until I leveled out at about 3,000 calories a day. The next 6+ months were full of pain and tears and confusion and many many times I was at the point of giving up. I am so thankful for my friends and family who rallied about me and wouldn't let me quit. The picture on the right was taken in October, I believe, weighing in 35 pounds heavier.
It's tempting for me to give in to discouragement and even hopelessness sometimes. I still feel so bad just about every day, and there are days I feel I just can't go on. My stomach still hurts every day, I still feel weak and dizzy and exhausted, I am still in pain, it is still hard to imagine what is like to feel good.But I was reminded last night that I have to remember what our God has done for me already! He has always seen me through, and I know He will not fail me now.
Another verse I've been holding on to lately has been Joel 2:25 "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..."
I choose to believe His promises, knowing that He can redeem even these long years of sickness and pain. Father, help me never to give in to the temptation to feel like things will never get better. I trust you, and more than anything else, I want to walk hand-in-hand with you and to love you more and more each day...
