Hey Everyone,

It's hard to believe it is already September! I'm sorry for not updating you all in so long...this seems to have been a season of waiting for me...praying for direction regarding my health, resting in my Father's arms. The word He has given us lately has been to rest in Him, as He battles on our behalf. 

I am so grateful, awed, and humbled by the response I have gotten from my fundraiser so far...such an amazing blessing to see God meet my needs in this way; each time I get a donation or note of encouragement from someone, I feel like it is a personal reminder from Him that He has NOT forgotten about He, but that He has me in the palms of His hands. Thank you all for allowing Him to use you to bless me like that!

Sometimes waiting can be a hard thing...we all have our dreams and our plans--many times God-given dreams and plans--that we want to be carrying out. I find that being at home so sick, unable to do much, makes it easy to give in to doubt and fear.

Fear wants to come in and torment me about the future...what if things are always this way? What if they only get worse, not better? You feel like your youth has already been wasted, what if this is all there is?

Guilt wants me to believe that being so sick is all my fault. If only I had more faith, if only I didn't mess up so much. Those dreams you have, maybe you want them too much. Maybe this is a punishment!

Shame wants me to believe that my life is a waste because I can't serve God the way I long to. Your dear friends are going through a terrible trial right now, and you weren't even strong enough to stay and support them for more than a few days. You left when they needed you the most!

There are many other feelings as well, but the best way I've found to deal with these is with God's Word. He promises that His Word will not return to Him void! I am so thankful for the many precious promises He has given to me. He is trustworthy, and I am so honored to be His daughter. I've really been blessed by Lamentations chapter 3 lately...many of the verses describe exactly how I feel.

"And I said, 'My strength and my hope have perished from the LORD...this I recall to mind, therefore I have hope. Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I hope in Him!' The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him...for the LORD will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. For He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men...I called on Your Name, O LORD, from the lowest pit. You have heard my voice: 'do not hide Your ear from my sighing, from my cry for help.' You drew near on the day I called on You, and said, 'Do not fear!'"

So many things going on that I don't understand...and I can't try to understand. It is enough to know that my Father understands and knows all things, and He is directing and orchestrating things according to His will. I just have to rest in Him and what He is doing. Please pray for me, that I would have the strength to hold on to Him and His promises!

Physically, I'm still struggling very much with a whole host of debilitating symptoms. I have 3 different doctor's appointments in this next week or two, and so I would really appreciate all of your prayers for wisdom and direction, clarity of mind, and that the Father would lead and guide me in the way I should go. I see a gastroenterologist this week, and then next week a neurologist and my regular Lyme doctor. I am really praying for more specific answers! 

I know I have shared a lot of songs with you all...but the truth is, the Father has so many times used these songs in my life. One of the symptoms I experience is brain fog/trouble thinking/focusing, and oftentimes when that hits, I can hardly think or even pray. Many times these songs have ministered to me, as I have sung them back to the Lord. Sometimes I have to declare out loud, "Yes Lord, I choose to believe, I choose to trust you, You are faithful, You are good, You are kind, You are just." Speaking these things out loud really helps! Anyways, this is another one of the songs that has blessed me. 

Thank you all for being such a wonderful support team. I love you all and am thankful for the friends and family God has blessed me with!