I am feeling the need to start journaling what our Father is doing in my life these days. I look back over the last 2 or 3 years, and it is hard to even process everything that has happened. I know there has been so much that I have not handled well, and so many things seem like a bad dream. But I can say that Yeshua has held my hand and walked me through each and every moment, and even through all the tears and confusion, He has never given up on me. 

I saw someone last night that I had not seen since last Spring, and he was so shocked and amazed by how I looked. I have gained quite a bit of weight since then! That got me thinking, so I pulled out a picture from a year ago and merged it with a picture taken in Jerusalem this past fall.

Wow, what a visual testimony of our Father's grace...The picture on the left was taken last January, when I weighed about 93 pounds. I knew I needed to gain weight, I knew I was dangerously underweight, but things seemed impossible. My body could barely handle the amount of food I was eating, and every time I tried to eat more, it seemed the pain, reflux, nausea and gastro-paresis symptoms worsened.

In January, I went to help out some friends of mine for a few days who had just had their 10th baby. While there, they impressed upon me that I needed to do whatever it took to gain weight, no matter the pain, because they didn't want me to miss out on all God has for me. I knew they were right, and that day was a turning point for me. I began to up my food intake, until I leveled out at about 3,000 calories a day.  The next  6+ months were full of pain and tears and confusion and many many times I was at the point of giving up. I am so thankful for my friends and family who rallied about me and wouldn't let me quit. The picture on the right was taken in October, I believe, weighing in 35 pounds heavier.

It's tempting for me to give in to discouragement and even hopelessness sometimes. I still feel so bad just about every day, and there are days I feel I just can't go on. My stomach still hurts every day, I still feel weak and dizzy and exhausted, I am still in pain, it is still hard to imagine what is like to feel good. But I was reminded last night that I have to remember what our God has done for me already! He has always seen me through, and I know He will not fail me now. 

Another verse I've been holding on to lately has been Joel 2:25 "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..."

I choose to believe His promises, knowing that He can redeem even these long years of sickness and pain. Father, help me never to give in to the temptation to feel like things will never get better. I trust you, and more than anything else, I want to walk hand-in-hand with you and to love you more and more each day...