Tell your heart to beat again...

I've tended to to analyze myself over and over again..."is being sick for so long my fault? What if I had handled everything perfectly the last several years, what if I had had more faith, what if I had caught my mistakes earlier...would I be in a different place today? Is this a punishment? Why am I watching others live "my" dreams while it is hard for me to make it through each day? What am I doing wrong?" 

I do believe there is a place for examining ourselves to make sure there is nothing we need to repent of...I have done that many times. At the same time, what I have to continually work on is taking everything to Yeshua and leaving it there. He has forgiven me, He is making everything new, and I have to take one day at a time, seeking His face, living to hear His voice. I am begging for that! I keep reminding myself that once I get one glimpse of His face, none of this will matter any more...none of the tears or pain or confusion will be important anymore. 

I want so much to be more for my friends and family, and it hurts me that I can't do more. It hurts me that I cry so often, that I need prayer so often, that I have to say I'm still not feeling well. Even if it's not my fault, I still feel like I'm letting others down. That's where I have to lay it all down, humble myself again, and remind myself that I can't live in regret. This is where the Father has me, and while I know He is healing me, I have to embrace where I am and seek Him with more fervor each day. Yeshua and His desires have to be my first pursuit, my only desires. I am so very thankful for my dear friends and family who have stuck by me all the way, prayed for me, loved me even when I can't do much in return. 

Anyways, this song really blessed me, and I wanted to share it with you all.